The Subtleties of Love in Our Marriage: Reflections from a Traditional Couple
Our marriage took place in November 2017. This was an arranged marriage. The day we were engaged, we often called each other 'love' – those three magical words that seemingly erased all issues, triggering big smiles and putting us in a more forgiving mindset. My husband expresses his affection in subtle ways, saying 'love' at least two times a day. Even during more challenging times, these words remind us of the deep connection we share.
A Day of Hidden Trials
One particular day, I came home to find his feet soaked in blood from a cut by broken glass. In pain, he could hardly move. I immediately broke down in tears, hugging him and calling the doctor. The doctor managed to stitch up the injury, apply bandages, and provide pain relief. I made sure he was comfortable, constantly making sure he was alright. After ensuring he could rest, I rushed back to the office, asking our family assistant to take care of him until I could return in the lunch hour.
Back at home, I hurried to the room where he was taking rest. Hugging his feet affectionately, I watched him until he woke up. Sensing my affection, he signaled me to come closer and hugged me: 'I am okay, see my face is glowing and feet is not paining! ' I responded by telling him to be quiet, then joked, 'Seriously who said the hubby had to get hurt before the wife agreed to take an apple?' He replied, 'The doctor!'
Although he didn’t say 'I love you' directly, his actions and intentions conveyed a deep love that needed no verbal expression. In a society that values the subtleties of affection, often seeing a spouse’s love in their actions, rather than their words, comes naturally. This is particularly true in our generation, influenced by the 1950s and 1960s cultural norms where direct declarations of love were less common and often felt unnecessary.
Expression of Love in a Traditional Marriage
In our 25 years of marriage, I hardly remember my husband saying 'I love you.' Even I have only said it a few times, if at all. When we take care of each other, do favors for each other, and cater to one another's feelings, it means we see the love between us. There’s no need to depend on verbal reassurance, as we can see each other’s love in our eyes and in the way we care for one another. Fights and disagreements happen, but these are balanced by thoughtful gestures and understanding.
When I asked my husband why he didn’t say 'I love you' to me during a movie, he chuckled and said, 'Showing a person that you love them is more important than saying it a hundred times without meaning or showing it.' He has a ready, logical answer for everything, often leaving me with no argument. We are confident in each other's love, so verbal reassurance is not our primary need. Marriage, for us, is a lifelong commitment, a bond we take seriously and respect.
Thus, while my husband hasn’t said 'I love you' verbally to me in our marriage, it’s evident that his actions speak louder. As we continue to navigate our 25-year journey, it’s possible that he may say it eventually, but it’s highly unlikely. The value of our relationship lies in the unwavering trust and love we share, expressed in countless gestures of care and consideration.
How often does your spouse say 'I love you'? In many marriages, the expression of love can be subtle and often felt through actions rather than words. Understanding these nuanced expressions can bring deeper connection and satisfaction to your relationship.