The Consequences of Spoiling a Child’s Tantrums and How to Handle Them

When a child throws a tantrum, they often do so because they have learned that this behavior can successfully manipulate their environment. This article explores the long-term consequences of continually giving in to tantrums and provides strategies to curb this disruptive behavior. We'll also highlight the importance of not rewarding such behavior and the benefits of using logical consequences to teach children appropriate behavior.

The Purpose of Tantrums

Children often throw tantrums as a result of being trained to do so. This learned behavior stems from the child’s experience that such behavior can indeed influence the parent’s actions. They may have observed peers or siblings engaging in these acts and tried to replicate them. Furthermore, the child learns that their outburst can be rewarded by the parent giving in to their demands to quell the tantrum. Consequently, negative behavior is inadvertently reinforced.

Unlearning Tantrums

To stop the cycle of tantrums, it is essential to unlearn this behavior by consistently not giving in to the child’s demands. While this process may take time, the child will eventually realize that their tactics are ineffective, leading to a decrease in tantrum frequency. Here are some practical steps on how to handle tantrums and turn them into opportunities for learning.

Ignoring Tantrums

During the next tantrum, inform the child that their screaming will not work. The initial step is to ignore the behavior whenever possible. This can be challenging, but it is a crucial step in teaching children that tantrums are not an effective way to gain what they want. If the tantrum escalates to the point where it becomes disruptive or unsafe, physically remove the child from the scene. Taking them to a quieter place can help them regain composure.

Using Logical Consequences

One effective approach is to use logical consequences, which are consequences that directly relate to the misbehavior. For example, if a child throws a toy in a fit of frustration, they might lose the privilege of playing with that toy for a short period. This method teaches the child the direct relationship between their actions and the outcomes. The book Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs offers valuable insights and guidance on implementing these techniques. It provides a powerful framework for dealing with children aged three and above.

Resource Recommendation

I highly recommend Children the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs. This book was a great resource for me as a parent. It focuses on logical consequences and emphasizes a balanced, non-punitive approach to discipline. While it isn’t specifically aimed at newborns, the techniques described in the book are invaluable from around the age of three.

No More Harsh Measures

After mastering the techniques outlined in the book, parents can find themselves using fewer harsh measures such as spanking, shouting, or scolding. These methods might provide temporary relief but can be detrimental in the long term. Instead, a more patient and understanding approach can foster healthier relationships and better-behaved children.

Conclusion

Dealing with a child’s tantrums requires patience and consistency. When parents recognize the underlying causes of tantrums and teach children that such behavior is ineffective, they can work towards a more peaceful family environment. By using logical consequences and fostering a nurturing, supportive atmosphere, parents can raise well-adjusted, self-disciplined children.

Keywords: child tantrums, spoiled children, parental discipline