Navigating the Ocean of Loneliness: Overcoming Unfathomable Emotional Barriers

There is a profound feeling that is making me feel terribly depressed and I already suffer from depression. I feel like no one understands me and I feel incredibly alone. How do I get over this?

Understanding the Human Condition

The world is such that even if God were to descend to the earth, he too would find it impossible to convince and impress everyone. Most of all that we do and all that we are depend on our mental status. The human mind is independent and at liberty to think what it wants. The thoughts in turn have a telling effect on what we are and what we do.

The Pain of Misunderstanding

It is not true that not everyone can be good to one another. As an individual, why would you want people to understand you if you are on the right path and your orientations are right? It is only the weak and incomplete people who wish that others should be good to them. Do a soul search and patch up your shortcomings if any. When you do that, you will emerge far superior and complete than all others and you wouldn’t feel perturbed or hurt if they understand you or not.

I know it can be so much painful when nobody wants to understand you. But I am here for you. I am a good listener, and if you want to share your problem, you can share it with me. But first, let me give you some advice. No one can understand any person always. For example, if you want pizza and you think your friends know you want pizza, it is not possible. Never expect everyone to understand you. Only your parents and God understand you fully.

The Continual Struggle of Acceptance

You are still in the feeling phase. There is a continuous internal resistance. A part of you feels that people will understand you – maybe they aren’t completely aware of your feelings, maybe they need more emotions from you. Once you wholeheartedly accept that no one is going to understand your feelings and that way of venting out emotions is completely shut for you, then you will resort to other options.

Such options include: 'Let no one understand my feelings. I don’t care.' 'I know how I feel, I feel for myself, I am clear about my reasons and emotions.' 'I am clear about my life, I have to live no matter what.' 'Worthless' and 'unwanted' are not personality traits or identity. They are mere results of expectations kept with the other person which is like throwing a ball of love at them and if they don’t pick it or kick it, you feel rejected.

Lifelong Lessons

I follow a rule in life: 'I am worthless for everyone in the long run, I am useless for everyone at some time or the other. Therefore, if for some time, even I am useful or worthy to them, I won’t take the credit or accept their love as a comfort zone. I am useless and unworthy forever. That’s my permanent state.'

Make it clear. There was a close relative who approached me when it was her toughest time in life. She knew I could handle her emotions, and I felt happy helping and we connected. It was a friendship of a few months beyond the relationship that we share. But throughout, I knew it was temporary because she has a life of her own and will get back to it once she heals. The same happened, and I didn’t feel rejected or dejected because there was never a heap of expectations from her.

People will understand you but through their own needs, emotions, and beliefs. If they are excited for something, they won’t pick your sadness. If they are free or there is some direct utility from you, they will surely pick your change in emotions. Not their fault. Selfish life it is.

Clear Communication and True Emotions

Be clear and vocal about your emotions. Don’t leave the judgment part to people. Don’t confuse them or play games. Just be clear and make it clear how you feel and what you expect. If you can’t make it clear, don’t expect. That's as simple as that.

Also, pick one emotional situation at once. Communicate it with someone, making it clear that you want some mental support and that's it. Ask them to listen first and then respond. Don't overburden people with long stories of years.

Start speaking up to yourself about how you feel and the reason for it. Reply to yourself and either let it be or give a solution. Rise above the need of people as you did in your teenage. Offer people a high chair, bring it back for them, make them a judge or saviour, and then communicate how you feel. Most will understand. People need a little pat on their ego to understand you, and most times, we hurt their ego first by showing that we can survive without them and then expect them to listen.

Take emotions as a temporary need of the mind, much like a need for a massage when you have a neck ache. If you get it, it's amazing. If you don't, still, your neck heals with time. It's not something that can ruin your life. Don’t exaggerate the importance of showing emotions then and there. Be a casual, happy-go-lucky person who keeps walking ahead in life. Or be more expressive.

Ultimately, remember that understanding from others is a two-way street. You can't expect everyone to understand you if you don’t make the effort to understand others. Pain and struggle are part of the journey, but so is growth and acceptance.